We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
