Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
