The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
