I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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