But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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