You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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