Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
