Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
