I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
