I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
