Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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