first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
