Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
