I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
