i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
