you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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