It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
false alarm, still single
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
