Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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