sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize