Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he was CRYING into my vagina
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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