69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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