I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize