Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
