Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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