That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
