I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
