my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
