It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
