I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
