I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
