We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
