You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
