Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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