Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
