I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
