what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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