I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
