also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't deserve a penis
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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