Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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