"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
