Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
