she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
