ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
