if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
