Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
