Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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