Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
