It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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