What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I understand Curling. That high.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
