we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
