saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
