Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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