why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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