You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize