I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
