Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
bring money and cleavage
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
