I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
