She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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