the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
