I just made out with a guy for $7.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
