WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
