So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
