life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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