Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
