two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
