I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize