you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
